


Where Do Babies Come From

by ZChan



Category: Ed Edd n Eddy
Genre: Children of Characters, Future, M/M, Older Characters, Romantic Comedy, Sex Education
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-09-27
Updated: 2014-09-27
Packaged: 2018-02-19 01:07:44
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,926
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2368748
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ZChan/pseuds/ZChan
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Double D and Kevin explain to their son the ways of life the best way they can.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Where Do Babies Come From

“Daddy, where do babies come from?”

Edd shot his head up to stare, wide eyed, at his son across the table. He stared for so long, he accidentally let’s his cup of tea overflow. The transparent brown water runs down his cup to his plate, then on the glass table. Blinking, he shook his head back to reality and slammed his kettle down. He couldn’t look at his son right now. He was too ashamed. The mess he made on the glass table felt like the only thing in the world he was allowed to look at. Edd smacked his lips, “Uhm...”

The Son blinked his big and innocent black eyes, waiting for an answer.

“I…” _distraction, distraction_! “I—uh... need to clean up this mess I made!” He sprints out of his chair and paced to the kitchen to ‘get some tissues’. “Clumsy me!”

The Son, of course, followed after him.

Edd felt beads of sweat rolling down his forehead. The Son felt cold behind him, like an evil presence. He would love to tell his son the Circle of Life, but Edd was expecting sometime _after_ 5 years of age to do it. Say...20.

The Son stood there.

Edd’s innocent little son who was still behind the wall banning all the world’s taboo information stood there.

Edd couldn’t help himself to have a staring contest with the paper towels in the pantry knowing the moment he turned around he will have to answer The Forsaken Question.

“The paper towels are right there, Daddy.”

Edd knows that.

He could see them right there too.

Edd knows.

Oh dear.

 _Click_.

The front door made its opening sound, a long and loud creak everyone accompanying this house hated so much but loved because it served as a nice warning of invaders. It also notified Edd of his escape route.

“Ask your dad.” He snatched the paper towels out of the compartment and sprints through the opening next to it, forgetting all together to close the cabinet. Kevin always found that annoying of Edd because it was always up to him to close it, which was what he did when he overheard Edd say that. _Neat freak my booty._

“Ask me what?” He asked in an annoyed tone. He had an earful of his boss’s nagging while he drove home today and was in no mood for life. He stripped off his jacket and hanged it on the hook near the back door while The Son followed him. He couldn’t control his pissy mood around his son. “What?”

“Dad, where do babies come from?”

Kevin dropped the jacket before it could reach the hook. It flopped on top of his fancy loafers, wrinkling up. Leisurely, for a venomous effect, he peered through the door to the dining room and glared at Edd, hard and cold.

“I’m sorry,” Edd mouthed. He was hurriedly wiping his tea off the table before the water evaporated and left the sugar behind. He hates sticky tables. He shook his head, shook his head, “I’m not ready, I’m not ready…”

Kevin slapped his square face and glides it down to his mouth so he could hide his sigh and curse words. _That son of a batch of cookies._ He loves Edd to _death_ , but just…sometimes with that guy! _I’m not ready either!_ He looked at his son who looked at Kevin looking at him. Kevin bite his bottom lip and sighed again, thinking of how to go about this. “Uhm,” he started looking at his son in the eyes. Those innocent eyes. They’re too innocent for words. “Son, you see...” His mouth opened and closed like a fish, looking for the right words. “Uh—uh—uhm.”

One does not simply kiddify XXX Ed.

The Son stood there.

“When a man…” no no! He can’t start that way. There’s no woman in this situation. “And a…man…” His eyes darted at the dining room door again to see Edd giving him the _what-the-H-are-you-doing_ look. “…love each other very much…” Using that line, he felt like his mom right now. He was so frustrated whenever she took her time to say this topic, and now he sees why. He saw himself in The Son a little, even though they are 100% nonidentical.

You know what, he has to learn _someday_ , right? Better now and from his parent than later and on the interweb, and he gets an STI from curiosity! He’s just going to say it how it is! “They go into the bedroom, take off their clothes and—” goddarnnit those eyes “—jump on the bed…?”

He could hear Edd slapping his forehead in the dining room.

The Son cocked his head to the side. “Is that what dad and daddy do sometimes during bed time?”

Kevin thought his jaw was going to hit the floor. Edd was a lobster with his mouth ajar in the other room. In the heat of the moment, they figured, they totally subsided the noise issue. “Yes.” His tone was honest and straightforward.

“What’s all that moaning you do while you’re jumping on the bed?”

Kevin felt like he was posing for the famous painting, _Scream_. “It’s—it’s—it’s uh—uhm—” He gave Edd the _help-me-out_ face which involved popped out eyes and a frown with teeth.

Edd thought quickly. “It’s part of the—uhm—birthing ritual!” Edd tossed the damp tissue in the plastic bag hanging on the top corner of a bottom cabinet and marched in to the rescue. “It’s called—” _childhood memories_ “— _Lemon_!”

“Like the fruit?”

“Yes.”

“Why lemon?”

 _Why did we call it lemon back then_? That’s a question for later. “Oh it’s something the scientist looked into or whatever. I don’t know.” _Don’t pursuit, don’t pursuit!_

He didn’t interrogate the matter any longer, but he did have a follow up question in mind. “But you and daddy lemon all the time. I don’t have a baby brother or sister.”

Kevin clapped his hands together and staring moving behind him. “Well we’re not done yet! There’s more we have to do to get the baby in the—uh—world!”

The Son stood there.

“After the daddies…lemon…” _Of all that words! What does that even mean?_ “They…” What to say next? The Son knows a man can’t get pregnant, and Kevin cursed himself for telling him so soon. “…go to the hospital…” He remembered when a nice donor, Trina, was in labor with The Son. Both Edd and Kevin held him in their arms and watched the guy crying his black eyes out. It was the best day of their lives. While none of his genes made The Son what he looks like now, Kevin was more than happy to be his ‘dad’. “And have a baby.”

“What happens in the hospital? Where did I come from?”

“A kind little angel.” Edd said smiling. He remembered that time too, when The Son was born. He thought of the moment when they both instantaneously said ‘He looks like an angel’ thinking he was the best baby out of everyone else’s. He couldn’t think of something this beautiful being the product of two human beings but something out of this civilization’s reach, somewhere from the supernatural. “She brought you down from heaven and gave you to us at the hospital. From then on we were your parents.”

“Why don’t you guys go to the hospital after you lemon all the time?”

“Well we have that option to do that or not after we ‘lemon’—”

“Then why lemon?”

“Cause it’s fun,” Kevin chipped in with a smirk. That much wasn’t a lie. “ _Very_ fun.” Edd gave him a soft punch on the shoulder with the intention for it to hurt. He never was good at punches as a pacifist at birth and all.

The two beamed at each other letting the thought that they were done sink in before The Son attacked them again. “What about pregnant woman? Don’t they babies inside them?”

“No.” Edd spoke before he thought about it. Having in mind that fact completely contradicts everything they just told him, he did what was the first thing in his head and said no.

Kevin wanted to _strangle_ this man! _Why did he say no? We could’ve had a different explanation for that in two seconds!_ He was already prepared for that too with an elaborate and logical explanation that will question the laws of the Circle of Life. One of his best lies. He’ll have to work with this.

“What is inside them then?”

Kevin crossed his arms over his chest. Edd’s alone on this one.

Edd could _really_ use a pen and paper! It helps him think. He can’t concentrate with all this _limited time_! He looked from cabinet to cabinet thinking maybe an answer is in there somewhere. He eyes fell on the can on sloppy joes sitting on top of the fridge like it owns the place. Edd hates Kevin for liking that stuff. It leaves such a huge mess wherever it’s eaten. It serves no other purpose than to be meat and fat.

Fat…

“Fat!” He thought out loud. His friend Eddy crossed his mind. He imitated him, bending his knees and making a movement over his stomach with his hands like there was a round invisible force field on it. “You know that big belly God Daddy has?”

The Son nodded.

“That’s what’s in there. They’re just…fat woman. P-pregnant is just uuh slang term…used for fat woman. It’s just…such a big belly! A-a baby could fit in there! You know?” He shrugged with a grin.

“So grandma is a pregnant woman too?”

‘Grandma’ is the mother on Kevin’s side while ‘Grandmommy’ is for Edd. Kevin never liked it when people called his mother fat. In fact he gets very defensive. Edd knows this well and was already pushing Kevin back by the chest. “No,” Kevin said with a tone, “she’s not.”

The Son was confused, but didn’t question it. Instead he asked something else in mind. “What about people with a daddy _and_ a mommy? How were they born?”

What a Pandora this kid is!

The Son stood there.

 _Not a problem_. Kevin thought this would happen and was planning to use his elaborate plan into action.

But of course.

“Most of the time,” Edd said with a sad face, “a man doesn’t love the other man as much as he thought he did and leaves him for a woman.” This was one of Edd’s worst fears. It happened to him during high school sometimes (if not all the time). He’s always sure it’s going to happen again. “It looks better to the public eye or whatever.” He could hear the phrases echoing in his head about girlfriends and parents approval. “The daddy takes the baby with him and that’s how you get a mommy and a daddy.”

“Why didn’t daddy do that to dad?”

“Because daddy loves dad,” Kevin kicked in again, knowing where this lie originated from. He gave Edd a big, warm hug filled with love and commitment. “Just like dad loves daddy.” He takes one arm away from Edd and extends it out to invite The Son in. “And just like we love you.”

The Son beamed and ran to be in the middle of the family sandwich. Edd really appreciates moments like this with his husband and his son.

He loves this big happy family they all built together.

“Can I lemon with you guys one day?”

“No.” Both husbands said.


End file.
